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Man Walks Into A Bar: The Ultimate Collection of Jokes and One-Liners
by Stephen Arnott & Mike Haskins
Man Walks Into A Bar 2
by Jonathan Swan
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by Stephen Arnott & Mike Haskins
Man Walks Into A Bar 2
by Jonathan Swan
59 Yo momma... Jokes
Yo Momma’s so fat, yo mamma’s so ugly, yo mamma’s so stupid – the list goes on! We have all the best Yo Momma jokes!
1
Yo momma’s so fat, ‘Place Your Ad Here’ is printed on each of her butt cheeks.
2
Yo momma’s so fat, her ass has its own congressman.
3
Yo momma’s so fat, her belly button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters.
4
Yo momma’s so fat, her belt size is the equator.
5
Yo momma’s so fat, her driver’s license says, ‘Picture continued on other side’.
6
Yo momma’s so fat, she fell off a boat and the captain yelled, ‘Land Ho!’
7
Yo momma’s so fat, she has to use a lawn chair instead of a Thigh Master.
8
Yo momma’s so fat, she sells shade in the summer.
9
Yo momma’s so fat, she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H —— d.
10
Yo momma’s so fat, she’s on both sides of the family.
11
Yo momma’s so fat, the weather people give names to her farts.
12
Yo momma’s so fat, when she auditioned for a part in Indiana Jones she got the part of the big rolling ball.
13
Yo momma’s so fat, when she dances the band skips.
14
Yo momma’s so fat, when she walked in front of the television I missed three commercials.
15
Yo momma’s so fat, when she went to the beach, she was the only one that got a tan.
16
Yo momma’s so fat, when the family wants to watch home movies they ask her to wear white.
17
Yo momma’s so stupid, she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.
18
Yo momma’s so stupid, she cooks with Old Spice.
19
Yo momma’s so stupid, she died before the police arrived because she couldn’t find the ‘11’ button in ‘9-1-1’.
20
Yo momma’s so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the Ws.
21
Yo momma’s so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done.
22
Yo momma’s so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead, because she wanted to make up her mind.
23
Yo momma’s so stupid, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet.
24
Yo momma’s so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
25
Yo momma’s so stupid, she took a spoon to the Superbowl.
26
Yo momma’s so stupid, she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.
27
Yo momma’s so stupid, she went to a mind reader and was only charged half price.
28
Yo momma’s so stupid, when I told her it was chilly outside she ran and got a bowl.
29
Yo momma’s so stupid, when she went to a movie and it said, ‘Under 17 not admitted’, she went home to find 16 relatives.
30
Yo momma’s so fat, her chairs have seat belts.
31
Yo momma’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.
32
Yo momma’s so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
33
Yo momma’s so ugly, her pillows cry at night
34
Yo momma’s so ugly, her shadow quit.
35
Yo momma’s so ugly, if she was a scarecrow, the corn would run away.
36
Yo momma’s so ugly, if you look up ‘ugly’ in the dictionary, there’s a picture of her.
37
Yo momma’s so ugly, people make jokes about her.
38
Yo momma’s so ugly, she can look up a camel’s butt and scare its hump off.
39
Yo momma’s so ugly, she got a sex change and the surgeon had to flip a coin.
40
Yo momma’s so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out of a window.
41
Yo momma’s so ugly, she has to get her vibrator drunk first.
42
Yo momma’s so ugly, she makes onions cry.
43
Yo momma’s so ugly, she practises birth control by leaving the lights on.
44
Yo momma’s so ugly, she pretends she’s someone else when she’s having sex.
45
Yo momma’s so ugly, the army doesn’t use guns any more – they use her picture.
46
Yo momma’s so ugly, the Elephant Man would have paid to see her.
47
Yo momma’s so ugly, the Government moved Halloween to her birthday.
48
Yo momma’s so ugly, the last time she heard a whistle she got hit by a train.
49
Yo momma’s so ugly, they put her face on box of laxatives and sold it empty.
50
Yo momma’s so ugly, they use her face as a cure for constipation.
51
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said ‘Sorry, no professionals.’
52
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she looks in the mirror her reflection ducks.
53
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she passes by a bathroom the toilet flushes.
54
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she takes her bra off she looks like she has four big toes.
55
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming.
56
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she was lying on the beach, the cat tried to bury her.
57
Yo momma’s so ugly, when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours – for a quote!
58
Yo momma’s so ugly, when your dad wants to have sex in the car, he tells her to get out.
59
Yo momma’s so ugly, yo daddy takes her to work just so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
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