What were the worms doing in the graveyard? Screwing in Ernest.

Why don’t worms have balls? They can’t dance.

How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.

A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whisky and two worms. ‘Now, class. Observe the worms closely,’ said the teacher, putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm he put into the whisky. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. ‘Now, what lesson can we divine from this experiment?’ the teacher asked. A hand went up at the back, ‘Drink whisky and you won’t get worms?’

Did you hear about the lucky fisherman? He married a girl with worms.

Did you hear about the rival maggots? They were fighting in dead Ernest.

One winter, Billy Bob and Jethro decided to go ice fishing. They got to the lake early in the morning, cut two holes and dropped their lines into the frigid water. A few hours later, Billy Bob had a dozen nice fish, while Jethro hadn’t even had a nibble. ‘Billy Bob, what’s your secret?’ he finally asked. ‘Mmu motta meep yer mmrms mmmrm.’ ‘What?’ Jethro said. ‘Mmu motta meep yer mmrms mmmrn!’ ‘If you think I can understand…’ Before Jethro could finish, Billy Bob spat into his hand and said, ‘You gotta keep your worms warm!’

What did the maggot say to another? What’s a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this?

What did the woodworm say to the chair? It’s been nice gnawing you!

What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth!

What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer? Light ale!

What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid!

What happened to the glow worm who was squashed? He was de-lighted!

What is life like for a woodworm? Boring!

What is the best advice to give to a worm? Sleep late!

What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm!

What’s a glow worm’s favourite song? ‘Wake Me Up Before You Glow Glow!’

What’s the difference between a worm and an apple? Have you ever tried worm pie?

Why do worms taste like chewing gum? Because they’re wrigleys!

If the early bird catches the worm, what about the worm?