Get the Joke of the Day
in your inbox:
Get 20% off with rBooks
15 Us presidents
‘If Lincoln were living today, he’d turn over in his grave.’ Gerald Ford
‘You can always tell when Richard Nixon is lying. His lips move.’ John F Kennedy
A year ago Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America, now he’s unknown throughout the world.
Bill Clinton liked Monica’s dress from the moment he spotted it.
Sign in a public lavatory: If you voted for Bush in the last election, you can’t take a dump here. Your asshole is in Washington.
Vote for Clinton rather than Bush. At least then you might live to regret it.
What did President Clinton say to Hillary when he felt like making love? ‘I’ll be back in an hour!’
What was the name of Ronald Reagan’s last movie? Partial Recall.
What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resumé? ‘Sat on the presidential staff.’ ‘New York’s such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I
The George W Bush Presidential Library has just been destroyed by fire. Tragically both books were lost and he hadn’t even finished colouring in the second one.
A Republican, a Democrat and Bill Clinton are travelling in a car when a tornado suddenly comes along and whirls them into the air. When they eventually come down they realise they’re in the land of Oz. They decide to go to see the Wizard. ‘I’m going to ask the Wizard for a brain,’ says the Democrat. ‘I’m going to ask the Wizard for a heart,’ says the Republican. Clinton says, ‘Where’s Dorothy?’
Bill Clinton looks out over the White House lawn one winter’s day and sees the words ‘Clinton must die!’ written in the snow. The CIA investigate and make their report. ‘It seems the message was written in urine,’ says the CIA agent. ‘As to its origins, we have bad news and really bad news.’ ‘So what’s the bad news?’ asks Bill. ‘We tested the urine and found it belonged to your Vice President, Al Gore,’ says the agent. ‘Oh no,’ says Bill. ‘But what’s the really bad news?’ The agent replies, ‘It was in Hillary’s handwriting.’
Bill Clinton, Al Gore and Bill Gates all die in a plane crash and go to meet their maker. God looks on Al and asks him what he thinks is the most important thing in life. Al tells him that protecting the earth’s ecology is the most important thing. God says, ‘ I like the way you think, come and sit at my left hand’. God then asks Bill Clinton the same question. Bill says that he feels people and their personal choices are most important thing. God says, ‘I like the way you think, come and sit at my right hand’. God then turns to Bill Gates, who is staring at him indignantly. ‘What’s your problem Bill?’ asks God. Bill replies, ‘You’re sitting in my damn chair!’
President Calvin Coolidge once invited friends from his home town to dine at the White House. Worried about their table manners, the guests decided to do everything that Coolidge did. This strategy succeeded, until coffee was served. The president poured his coffee into the saucer. The guests did the same. Coolidge added sugar and cream. His guests did, too. Then Coolidge bent over and put his saucer on the floor for the cat…
President Clinton and Hillary are in the front row at the Yankee Stadium. The row behind them is taken up with Secret Service agents. One of them leans over and whispers in the President’s ear. Clinton nods, then grabs Hillary by the scruff of the neck and heaves her over the railing. The Secret Service agent leans over again and says, ‘Mister President, I said “It’s time to throw out the first pitch.”’
Got a joke that's better than these? Why not submit it