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This Will Make You Laugh

19 Teachers Jokes

1
3 Star(2 Votes)
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A boy tells his friend that he has a crush on his teacher. The second boy says, ‘Man, that is disgusting.’ The first boy says, ‘What? Everyone has a crush on their teacher.’ The second boy says, ‘Yeah, but you’re home-schooled.’
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2
4 Star(3 Votes)
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A schoolteacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Home Secretary said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
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3
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A teacher asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories. She was puzzled by a boy’s picture which showed four people on an aircraft, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. ‘The flight to Egypt,’ he replied. ‘I see… And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,’ she said. ‘But who’s the fourth person?’ ‘Oh, that’s Pontius – the Pilot!’
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4
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An overworked English teacher spent a lot of time correcting grammatical errors in her students’ written work. She wasn’t sure how much impact she was having until one overly busy day when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples. A student asked, ‘What’s the matter, miss?’ ‘Tense,’ she replied curtly. After a slight pause the student tried again. ‘What was the matter? What is the matter? What will be the matter?’
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5
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Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. ‘Wake up, it’s time to go to school!’ ‘But why, Mum? I don’t want to go.’ ‘Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.’ ‘Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!’ ‘Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.’ ‘Give me two reasons why I should go to school.’ ‘Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the headmaster!’
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6
1 Star(1 Votes)
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Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns. Billy: Who, me? Teacher: Very good!
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7
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Teacher: Can you tell me where Napoleon came from? Pupil: Course I can. Teacher: Very good.
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8
4 Star(2 Votes)
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Teacher: To which family does the elephant belong? Pupil: I don’t know, nobody I know owns one!
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9
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Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school.
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10
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Teacher: You boy, what’s your name? Boy: Mickey Jones. Teacher: We’ll call you Jones here. We don’t use first names. Boy: My dad won’t like that – he takes offence if people take the Mickey out of my name.
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11
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What did the music teacher need a ladder for? To reach the top notes.
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12
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What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says ‘chew chew chew’.
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13
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What kind of food do maths teachers eat? Square meals!
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14
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What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher? Lots of blood tests!
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15
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When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom? Because there are no pupils to see!
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16
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Why did the teacher jump into the lake? Because she wanted to test the waters!
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17
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Why did the teacher put the lights on? Because the class was so dim!
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18
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Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows? He wanted to be very clear!
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19
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Why don’t some teachers like to break wind in public? Because they’re private tooters.
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Your Teachers Jokes
20
5 Star(3 Votes)
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One day, a teacher walks into her classroom to start the lesson. She walks up to the board and sees in little writing the word "penis". She thinks nothing of it and wipes it off. The next day, she comes in and sees the word "penis", only this time it"s a little bit bigger. She wipes it off again. Sure enough, the next day she comes in and sees "penis" on the board a little bigger. This proceeds until the end of the year when finally, it"s across the whole board. The teacher wonders what"s gonna happen the next day since it"s taking up all the space on the board. When she came in the next day but doesent find "penis". This time she finds written, "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets".
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Man Walks Into A Joke: The Ultimate Collection of Jokes and One-Liners