A snail comes across a leprechaun in the forest. The leprechaun takes pity on the snail, slithering on its belly, and decides to grant it a wish. The snail can’t believe its luck. ‘I’d like a sports car,’ it says, ‘with a giant golden “S” painted on the doors and bonnet.’ The leprechaun waves his hand, and the car magically appears. The snail is beside itself with excitement and climbs in. It revs the engine up, puts the car into gear and speeds off through the forest. All the other animals gather to watch him career through the trees. ‘Look at that crazy “S” car go.’

How do snails keep their shells shiny? Snail varnish.

How do you know your kitchen floor is dirty? The slugs leave a trail on the floor that reads ‘clean me’!

What did the slug say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!

What did the slug say to the other slug who had hit him and run off? I’ll get you next slime!

What did the snail say while riding on the turtle’s back? Weeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out!

What is the difference between school dinners and a pile of slugs? School dinners come on a plate!

What sort of animal is a slug? A snail with a housing problem!

What was the snail doing on the motorway? About one mile a day!

Where do you find monster snails? On the end of its fingers.

Why do the French like snails? Because they don’t like fast food.