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This Will Make You Laugh

11 Skydiving Jokes

1
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For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
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2
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He’s invented a new type of parachute. It opens on impact.
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3
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If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
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4
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What do you call it when your parachute doesn’t open? Jumping to a conclusion.
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5
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What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a skydiver? One goes ‘Whack! Awwwwghk!’ The other goes, ‘Awwwghk! Whack!’
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6
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Why do female skydivers wear jock straps? So they don’t whistle on the way down.
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7
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Words to live by: do not argue with a spouse who packs your parachute.
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8
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Skydivers: good to the last drop.
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9
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No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening. ‘I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day – it means it’s going to be up all night.’
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10
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Barbara is taking her first skydiving lesson. The instructor tells her to jump out of the plane and pull her ripcord. After she’s done so the instructor jumps out of the plane after her. The instructor pulls his ripcord but his parachute doesn’t open. As he struggles to pull the emergency cord, he shoots downwards past Barbara. Barbara undoes the straps on her own parachute and yells, ‘So you wanna race, huh?’
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11
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Harry goes skydiving but nothing happens when he pulls his rip-cord. He pulls the cord on his secondary chute, but this too is broken. Suddenly, Harry sees a man in blue overalls shooting up towards him, ‘Hey!’ shouts Harry. ‘Know anything about parachutes?!’ ‘No!’ shouts the man. ‘Know anything about gas boilers?!’
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Man Walks Into A Joke: The Ultimate Collection of Jokes and One-Liners