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A man shows up late for work. His boss yells, "You should have been here at 8.30!" The man replies, "Why? What happened at 8.30?"    accountants    actors    Animals    bar    bears    birds    books    cats    cows    divorce    Drink, pub, bar,     Equine    fairy tales    HAHA    hair    Health     hippies    hippy    Homer    horses    husbands    Irish    Jerry Seinfeld    joke    karate    lol    marriage    monkeys    nicorrete patches     nuns    Optimist and Pessimist    paddy    pokemon    s    Santa    Sex    shark    sharks    Spurs    The Hobbit    Tolkien    Tony Blair    Ugly People    Underwear    vampires    wasp petshop    weather    Woody Allen    work   
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A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons. "Why?" asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage. The panda pauses on his way out, produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual, and tosses it over his shoulder. "Well, I'm a panda," he says at the door. "Look it up." The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation: "Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."
Submitted by thomas knight on Wednesday 8th July
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Man Walks Into A Joke: The Ultimate Collection of Jokes and One-Liners