A ventriloquist sets up a new shop. He has a big sign, but no one comes in. He’s in business six months and still not a single customer. A friend gives him a tip: ‘There’s no money in ventriloquism. Séances are where the money is, not ventriloquism!’ So the man changes his entire shop, sign and all. Sign now says: ‘Séances – £25-£50-£125.’ First day he’s open a woman comes in and enquires about a séance to talk to her dead husband. She asks about the different prices. ‘What do you get for £25?’ ‘Well, for £25 you get to talk to your husband.’ ‘What about £50?’ ‘Well, for £50 you get to talk to him and he talks back.’ ‘What do you get for £125?’ ‘For £125, you talk to him and he talks back to you while I drink a glass of water!’