A dentist is working on a female patient’s teeth when he asks her if she’d mind screaming loudly. She does so then asks why. ‘I’ve got to catch a train in thirty minutes,’ he replies. ‘And my waiting room is packed.’

A husband and wife enter a dentist’s surgery. The husband says, ‘I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocaine because I’m in a terrible rush. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.’ ‘You’re a brave man,’ says the dentist. ‘Now, which tooth is it?’ The husband turns to his wife and says, ‘Show him your tooth, dear.’

A patient is asking a dentist his prices. ‘How much for an extraction?’ ‘Seventy pounds,’ replies the dentist. ‘Seventy quid? For a few minutes’ work,’ complains the patient. ‘I can make it last all afternoon if you like,’ replies the dentist.

A Texan goes to the dentist. ‘Your teeth look fine,’ says the dentist. ‘Nothing needs doing here.’ ‘Drill anyway,’ says the Texan. ‘I feel lucky.’

A woman drops her false teeth in the park and is unable to find them in the long grass. A passer- by spots her predicament and offers her a spare set. Unfortunately the teeth are too loose so the passer-by offers her a second pair. These are too tight so the passer-by gives her a third set which fit perfectly. ‘Thank you,’ says the woman. ‘I’ve been looking for a good dentist for ages.’ ‘I’m not a dentist,’ says the passer-by. ‘I’m an undertaker.’

Did you hear about the man who put his false teeth in backwards and ate himself?

I accidentally left my electric toothbrush on all night. I’ve never seen the bathroom look so clean.

I used some of that stripy toothpaste. Now I’ve got striped teeth.

I went to the dentist. He said, ‘Say, aaah.’ I said, ‘Why?’ He said, ‘My dog’s died.’

Man, to dentist, ‘Can you recommend anything for yellow teeth?’ Dentist, ‘A brown tie?’

My dentist found a very big cavity when he examined me. In fact it was so big he sent me to a chiropodist.

My uncle was the best false teeth maker in town – they were so lifelike they even ached.

Three ways to keep your teeth: brush after every meal, see your dentist every few months, and keep your nose out of other people’s business.

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?

First tramp: I see my dentist twice a year. Second tramp: Really? First tramp: Yes, once for each tooth.

How did the dentist become a brain surgeon? His drill slipped.

What did the tooth say to the dentist? ‘Fill ’er up.’

What time is it when you must go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.

Why are dentists artistic? Because they are good at drawing teeth.

Why did the Irishman save his old magazines? He wanted to be a dentist.

Why did the king go to the dentist? To get his teeth crowned.

Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.