A surgeon retires from his long career as a specialist in circumcision. Throughout his career he has saved hundreds of foreskins as momentos and now wishes to turn them into a souvenir. He takes his specimens to a leathersmith and asks him to make something out of them. A week later the surgeon returns and the leathersmith presents him with a wallet. ‘All those foreskins and you only made me a wallet?’ exclaims the surgeon. The leathersmith replies, ‘Yes, but if you stroke it, it becomes a briefcase.’

The Emperor of Japan advertises for a new bodyguard. Three swordsmen apply: one is Japanese, one is Chinese, and one is Jewish. To test him, the Emperor lets a fly loose in the room and tells the Chinese swordsman to kill it. The swordsman sweeps down his blade and chops the fly in two. The Japanese swordsman is given the same test. He swings his sword twice and manages to cut the fly into quarters before it hits the ground. The Jewish swordsman is then given a fly. He chases it round the room, swings his sword a few times, then sits down with the fly buzzing round his head. ‘Why have you stopped?’ asks the Emperor. ‘The fly is still alive.’ ‘Yes,’ replies the Jewish swordsman. ‘But now it’s circumcised.’

What happened to the short-sighted circumcisor? He got the sack.

When they circumcised him, they threw away the wrong bit.

Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won’t touch anything unless it’s 20 per cent off!