The ultimate collection of jokes and one liners!

 

Whether you want to write the perfect best man speech, using our wedding or marriage jokes, or tease your friends about their age on their birthday, we have the ideal joke for you. We also have all the favourites such as jokes about lawyers, blondes, knock knock, and of course the good old lightbulb and doctor doctor jokes.

 

Search for jokes by category, rate your favourites and make sure you sign up to our joke of the day email so you can get a different in your inbox every day!

Current topic is Psychics  After Mary Poppins was done with her film, she went to California and became an expert at predicting people with bad breath. Her sign read: ‘Super California Psychic – expert, halitosis.’
 Did you hear about the poor fortune teller? He’s not making much of a prophet.
 Fortune teller: You will be miserable, depressed and unhappy until your 40th birthday. Client: Then things will improve? Fortune teller: No, you’ll just get used to it by then.
  Prediction is very difficult – especially for the future.
  Psychic exhibition cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
  Why aren’t psychics rich?
  Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
 A ventriloquist sets up a new shop. He has a big sign, but no one comes in. He’s in business six months and still not a single customer. A friend gives him a tip: ‘There’s no money in ventriloquism. Séances are where the money is, not ventriloquism!’ So the man changes his entire shop, sign and all. Sign now says: ‘Séances – £25-£50-£125.’ First day he’s open a woman comes in and enquires about a séance to talk to her dead husband. She asks about the different prices. ‘What do you get for £25?’ ‘Well, for £25 you get to talk to your husband.’ ‘What about £50?’ ‘Well, for £50 you get to talk to him and he talks back.’ ‘What do you get for £125?’ ‘For £125, you talk to him and he talks back to you while I drink a glass of water!’