The ultimate collection of jokes and one liners!

 

Whether you want to write the perfect best man speech, using our wedding or marriage jokes, or tease your friends about their age on their birthday, we have the ideal joke for you. We also have all the favourites such as jokes about lawyers, blondes, knock knock, and of course the good old lightbulb and doctor doctor jokes.

 

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Current topic is Gardening  A garden is a thing of beauty and a job forever.
 A small boy is helping his grandfather dig up potatoes. ‘What I want to know,’ he says, ‘is why you buried the damn things in the first place.’
 A wise man will never plant more vegetables than his wife can take care of.
 Did you hear about the successful bonsai tree grower? He got so good he ended up looking for a house with a smaller garden.
 Gardens need a lot of water – most of it sweat.
 Harry’s invented a new spray to kill the aphids on his rose bushes. His formula kills the roses and the aphids starve to death.
 How do you stop moles digging in your garden? Hide their shovels.
 Man, to Neighbour: ‘Can I borrow your lawnmower?’ Neighbour: ‘No, she’s not home yet.’
 The good thing about snow is that it makes my garden look as good as my neighbour’s.
 The seeds I planted didn’t look nearly as good as the ones on the packet. It turned out those pictures had been posed by professional vegetables.